Psst!

By: niftyba

Oct 17 2007

Category: Uncategorized

1 Comment

I found this list on Facebook, and I just had to post it here. Filipinos rock. (I sometimes wish I were more Filipino… or not.) (I edited the list to stuff that would apply to Billy and I.) (I do not cook.) (Sorry, Mom.) (And Grandpa.)

YOU MAY BE MARRIED TO A FILIPINA IF . . .

♥ most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker.
♥ all her relatives think your name is Joe.
♥ the instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you can’t tell apart.
all the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty, and she eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken with ketchup.
♥ even the ketchup tastes weird . . . very weird.
♥ you throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig.
♥ all your kids have 4-5 middle names.
♥ your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than “that white guy.”
♥ you are trying to go to sleep and she keeps asking for the comFORT’r, and you ain’t got a clue what she’s talking about . . .
♥ your first Christmas present is some funny looking baggy see-thru shirt made out of leftover lace doilies.
♥ she sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on.
♥ the rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up 50% of your electric and food budget.
♥ on your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your “carry on” luggage requires a small forklift truck.
♥ the same luggage is over filled with things that cost an average of 15 cents each like old magazines and M&Ms — the worst part is when you get off the plane, the same stuff you’ve been hauling around half way around the world is available in every store in the airport for half the price!
♥ the first time she’s pregnant you have to go out at 4:00 in the morning looking for some weird type of greasy sausages, green mangoes and bagoong.
You buy a new $500 freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM and CORNED BEEF that was on sale.
everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you don’t need it .. as long as it was a “bargain” is all that matters.
♥ your daughter gets her ears pierced when she’s 2 minutes old but your sons are not circumcised until they turn 21.
♥ you hire a yaya because your wife thinks you clean mirrors with soap and a sponge and the yaya seems cheaper than a divorce.
♥ the only “white meat” she likes is You, and that’s if you’re lucky . . .
♥ her favorite sauce is called patis, Americans call it turpentine.
♥ you were married 5 years before she explained to you that “ARAY!” doesn’t mean “ooh, baby!”
♥ she prefers bistek to beef steak.
♥ her idea of new upholstery is rinsing the bagoong stains out of the slip covers.
♥ she can eat and talk at the same time, in fact that’s her especialty!
her favorite meal is leftovers, her favorite fancy dessert is Jello mold and for something REALLY romantic, she’ll offer you a halo-halo with 2 straws.
she and the kids are always saying “Daddy made utot” and you still don’t know what it means but they think it’s pretty funny.
♥ other than eyebrow raising and lip puckering, her next most expressive form of communication is grunts and pssst’s
♥ she goes to the movies just for the AC.
♥ her homeland has more Megamalls than islands.
♥ your in-law’s first visit lasted 5 years.
♥ her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo and you are not allowed to smirk.
♥ her home economics course only taught shopping, eating and siesta; cooking, cleaning and sewing were not electives.
♥ her idea of edifying reading is gossip magazines.
♥ all your place settings has the silverware backwards and there are no knives.
♥ she washes her hair with a bucket and her car with a broom.
♥ she uses an umbrella even if its not raining.
♥ you are the only family in a 200 mile radius with 6 DVD player, 5 televisions.
she’s done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before.
♥ she “cleans” her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet.
you are pretty proud of yourself because you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess type until you go to the Philippines and can’t tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless she’s taller than 5’1″, then it’s a bit easier).
♥ there’s always singing in your house, even when the radio’s off.

♥ your own mom, who was lukewarm about your marriage originally, now calls you long distance…to talk to your wife, not to you.
♥ your family announces that in the unlikely event of a divorce between you and your wife, she will always have a place to stay, but you better find a new family.
♥ your wife asks to get a job so that you will both have a little extra money, then thanks you for not complaining about having to drive her to work.
♥ your wife has a contagious smile.
♥ you both decide to divide your spare income, and you spend yours on a computer game or a power tool, only to learn that she spent her money buying clothes for you

she might not have had a second pair of shoes growing up, but she’s rapidly making up for lost time.
♥ everything in your house is “namebrand”.
♥ you complain when your wife tells you that longaniza is only for breakfast.
♥ you learn to like rice, even plain.
♥ you have a budget.
she may only tell you she loves you once in awhile. But, she shows you that she loves you in everything she does and says.
♥ you go to sleep each night knowing you’re the luckiest man in the world.

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One comment on “Psst!”

  1. So very, very true to life indeed.


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